Gentlemen, I never thought I’d see the day, but alas, it is upon us. Homecoming is tomorrow, Oct. 19, and it is important that every student — from 7th graders to seniors— be in attendance at all of the Homecoming events. Allow me to fill you all in on the exciting and memorable weekend you are about to embark on.
The festivities will commence tonight at the annual Homecoming bonfire at the football stadium. It’s a great way to get into the Homecoming spirit, and a good time to be had for all. Every student is invited. There will be games, food, and of course, a massive fire. The event will start at 6:15 and the fire will be lit shortly after.
Tomorrow at 1 o’clock is the Homecoming football game. The birds will take on Principia and are looking forward to a dominant victory. Attendance is not only expected, but mandatory for all students. Come out and support the team, cheer loudly and make sure Principia feels your presence. And be sure to get there about 20 minutes early for the senior ceremony!
Finally, Saturday night will be the Homecoming dance, arguably the greatest night of your life. I hope that most of you aren’t bringing a date anyway because girls are gross and have cooties, but in the rare instance that you DO indeed have a girl with you, it is essential that as soon as you arrive at the dance, you ditch her and go mosh with your boys for the next few hours. There will be time for cute little chats with your girlfriend at the afterparty. That being said, if I catch anyone standing on the side talking to girls (ew, gross!), I will personally approach you and cordially invite you into the mosh pit with the boys where you will inevitably have more fun. In all seriousness, though, if you do plan to bring a date, be a gentleman and buy her a corsage and try to at least check on her every once in a while after you ditch her.
My acquaintance and the STUCO president Mr. Colin Pim has generously provided you all with some wise advice on how to acquire and treat your dates, so I’ll leave it to the Love Doctor for more on that matter.
I would like to reiterate the dire necessity that EVERY student attends the football game tomorrow. I expect loud cheering and packed stands. That’s all from me for now, I hope you all have an amazing Homecoming.
