In a recent dictatorial coup, a little-known math teacher has wretched power over Priory out of the hands of the Benedictine Theocracy. Using an army of cronies and allies, among them one Kellen Plaxco, this math teacher has become the undeniable autocrat of the poor priory students. This man goes by many names, but you hear the name “Chairman Mal” spoken with fear in the halls.
Promising renovations and massive building projects to the people of Priory, he quickly gained popularity with the Junior Schoolers because of his fiery speeches on equality. Little did the high schoolers know that their time of autonomy and blissful separation from the Junior school would soon be over. In the span of one summer, Chairman Mal gained power over the Benedictines both through machiavellian intrigue and backdoor deals. By the time the Priory students returned, he had cemented his power structure and began to make his reforms. The first sign of these “reforms” was the disappearance of several loved members of the Priory community, such as Dr. Davis, Mr. Hessel, Mr. Getz, and others, sparking outrage. He then attempted to implement a nationwide uniform by banning all kinds of hoodies, but in this endeavor, he encountered much resistance.
He constructed a massive, Soviet-Brutalist-style outdoor auditorium to give his propagandistic speeches from and rally his base of loyal extremists, and created new walking paths and started “Campus beautification” just as Stalin did with his “Five Year Plan” or Mao did with his “Great Leap Forward.” By integrating both the Junior and High Schools, he ripped down the traditional cultural hierarchy and instilled a new “equal” Maoist (or rather “Malist”) culture where all live equally in squalor under his watchful eye. The halls are patrolled by the new KGB known as “the priory faculty”, and the ruthless ideologues forming the new politburo at the top known as “form masters.” These enforcers ensure that each form submits to the new regime, spouting Mal’s speeches to brainwash the masses.
Students in this new day and age fear the torture that Chairman Mal made legal, such as wearing a coat and tie on a normal day, a social embarrassment designed with the sole purpose of degrading the undesirables of the new order. Writing this now, we fear for our lives, but a message must be sent. WAKE UP TO THE CHANGE! WE MUST FIGHT THIS!
(WE MUST PREVAIL.)
