All Hail the Sundial!


Sample caption i luv the sundial

Owen Belt '23

Behold! The Priory Sundial is almost complete! The moment we’ve all been waiting for is just around the corner. Indeed, the wait has been long but adding the Sundial will dramatically boost learning across campus. My calculations estimate that the Sundial will increase learning in the classroom by 400%! For far too long have I been left to aimlessly wander the halls of Priory without knowing the time. Now I will finally be able to tell the time, except on cloudy days or at night or on any day affected by daylight savings. Yes, the Sundial’s effectiveness is guaranteed to satisfy. If only we had miniature sundials in each classroom or even in our pockets. The effect on Priory’s admissions can also not be overstated. Imagine yourself as an up-and-coming student who has come to Priory for a tour of the campus. While you may be disappointed by half of the school being closed due to construction, the Sundial will surely cast aside any doubts about joining the Priory community. My calculations expect the next junior school class to be a whopping 200 students! The future of the school looks brighter than ever. If you are reading this, please consider donating generously. 


The Sundial has recently inspired me to think of several other ways we can improve Priory’s campus. I propose we add a series of wells to be placed at several hotspots around the school. These wells would be state-of-the-art, built with the finest cobblestone and only the finest wood buckets. Hydration is key. How else are students supposed to drink up throughout the day? Despite this genius revelation, I was left with another conundrum: how is the well water supposed to reach the other parts of the school? This puzzle left me quite baffled, but then I found the solution: aqueducts. Brilliant! This groundbreaking technology will surely catapult Priory to the forefront of St. Louis’s schools. Does Burroughs have aqueducts? I didn’t think so. Administration, take notes. Just when I thought my strokes of wisdom had subsided, I was once again struck with the greatest idea. One word: airships. Is I-64 traffic too much of a pain to deal with on a daily basis? Are gas prices draining the bank? Kick it back Hindenburg-style with my brand new bussing system, blimps. Feel like a true raven in the sky. Of course, these blimps will be piloted by exclusively Coach Bro. If the higher-ups aren’t listening to me now, they are hopeless.