Alright you studs, VP is just around the corner. It’s the most festive dance of the year, only 22 days before old Saint Nick makes his appearance, so everyone better be on their best behavior to stay on the nice list. 

Now your outfit is going to be crucial for impressing your date. Years of wearing the same unwashed Priory hoodie with khakis have made us blind when it comes to fashion. Suitable outfits are ones that express your personality and values. Take Dr. Erwin for example. He has never failed to be the best-dressed person on campus. His fits during the holidays just show what a fun-loving teddy bear he is. Compare that with someone wearing a generic sport coat. There’s no pizazz, no fire. After realizing this, Mr. Nickolai has been so kind as to lift the dress code just for this dance. That being said, there is no excuse for showing up in boring old dance attire. Luckily, your Love Doctor has provided outfits that will leave a reputation of tastefulness on any eyes lucky enough to gaze upon you that evening. 

Fit #1: 80s workout fit

This is for anybody who wants to show off their strapping muscles (Vern, please wear this one) but still wants to stay warm in the brisk December weather. Make sure you get the curly-haired wig and armbands for maximum style points. 

Fit #2: Green bodysuit while your friend follows you around with a projector displaying Christian Bale

Now, this fit is for emergency situations only. Maybe you got a bad haircut the day before the dance, or all your clothes mysteriously shrunk because you used the wrong dryer setting. I have conducted studies and experiments across the globe, and one figure who is absolutely irresistible is Christian Bale. This fit will render you indistinguishable from this actor and will cause heads to turn, guaranteed. The only downside is that you need a friend willing to carry around a portable battery and projector. 

Fit #3: Christmas suit 

This is perhaps the most basic outfit on the list, but it will never fail. I would recommend this fit to anyone who isn’t trying to attract too much attention. You can typically get a matching suit and pants at Walmart or Target for around 40 smackaroos. Now, this may seem pricey, but I think this fit is essential to every wardrobe. You get the added bonus of being able to wear it on Christmas and get even more compliments about how much of a handsome young man you are from your grandma. 

Fit #4: Ushanka hat and green jacket

Now if you are somebody who is ANYONE in the Priory fashion world, you should know this outfit. A favorite of Mr. Bussen, this combination of light green with the Cold War-era hat will let everyone know you have an appreciation for the classics. 

I will be holding office hours all day in the 300s bathroom the Friday before the dance (December 2nd) if you would like feedback on your fit, or if you need some last-minute tips. For the dance, just remember to have a good time. You don’t really need a date for VP, and with the fits I provided above, you are guaranteed to have a date for the next dance.