Criminals on Campus

Ravens, members of Priory, my name is Detective Charles L’Hommedieu. This year I have set out to expose some of the heinous acts committed by members of our own student body. Each month I will be writing a detailed report on a violation of the Priory code of conduct. Please report any violations you see with a detailed story and pictures if possible. 

September’s criminal is a student known by many as Gerard Gunther. The details in this case are clear and obvious. Mr. Gunther has broken Mr. Nickolai’s Don’t Do That rule #683. This rule states that no student, except those in Form VI, shall park in the lot adjacent to the Abbey Church unless he has been given specific instruction to do so. Mr. Gunther started the year by parking in the senior lot. In a verbal interview with an unconfirmed source, Mr. Gunther said, “Dude, I just don’t want to walk that far to get into school.” After word was received that Mr. Gunther had parked in the lot for three consecutive days, Student Council Member at Large and “Enforcement Officer” Thomas “Tipper” Journagan made a formal announcement at the school-wide assembly. His message was that it is not acceptable for non-seniors to park in the senior lot and specifically called out Mr. Gunther, as well as other members of Form V. The next day, the transgression continued as if there had been no warning. Mr. Gunther’s silver BMW (see reference) was identified in the lot in the early hours of the morning. Heroic vigilantes of Form VI who will go unnamed decided that enough was enough; it was time to deal with the violations in a more outright manner. An angry mob surrounded Mr. Gunther behind his vehicle shortly after the final bell. Angry words were exchanged and tensions were certainly high; there was potentially some scrappiness. As seen in this screenshot taken from a video by an innocent bystander, things appeared to be non-contact. The vigilantes declared the day a resounding victory as neither Mr. Gunther nor his Form V counterparts have been seen in the lot since.  Although the problem has been resolved without involvement of the Priory judicial system, the act will undoubtedly leave a stain on the reputation of Mr. Gunther and his peers in the  Class of 2024. Thank you for reading this month’s edition of Criminals on Campus. This case is closed.