I don’t think you all understand just how excited I am for homecoming this weekend. I have so much school spirit pent up within me after being deprived of sports games last year that at this point it’s almost unhealthy. I sat in the pouring rain for nearly an hour last Thursday night watching the football team destroy Principia just to get my fix. And what do I have to show for it? Fan of the week, two weeks in a row? OK, that’s actually pretty sick. Never mind.

         Anyways, homecoming! Some of you younger guys haven’t been able to experience it, which is maybe the saddest thing I’ve ever heard. Let me give you a play-by-play.

         Tonight is the bonfire. Don’t even try to tell me you’re not excited for that. It’s a big fire that, as my main man Timmy B already said, has a chance of burning down the school. I’m no statistician (and sorry in advance, Doc) but think about it this way. The odds of it happening are 50/50: either it happens or it doesn’t. Personally, I like those odds.

         Also at the bonfire will be the Proctors, “the longest-running musical ensemble in the history of Priory,” according to my aforementioned home-dog. They’ve got some real stars on the lineup. Personally, I’m most excited to see Mr. Doctor Kellen Plaxco absolutely demolishing those drums tonight. I’ve seen the man read Greek before: he’s got the gift of rhythm, that’s for sure. I’m also looking forward to seeing Andrew “the man who can’t sit down” Erker strumming some melodious chords. On a separate note, he better be standing the whole night.

I was always a big fan of cool-dude, “stop harshing my mellow” Brandon McLaughlin, but I guess the pressure of being the breakout star got to him. He’s more of an acoustic guitar kind of guy now anyway, the punk. I hope the Southern California life is treating him about as well as Mr. Finan treats the freshmen out of dress code. (Picture of Tony flashing the L).

         Speaking of Mr. Tone Zone himself, tomorrow is the big game. Any of you who have been to a football game this year will know that he has an absolutely commanding presence on the gridiron. He stands atop the press box, perched like a hawk stalking his prey. If you’re at the game tomorrow (which you absolutely should be), look up there if you have a free moment. Honestly, I’m not fully convinced his headset is even connected. He’s probably just up there as an intimidation tactic. All I know is if I were a Lutheran St. Charles player tomorrow and I looked up and saw Mr. Finan standing there, I’d throw down my helmet and book it to the sidelines. Heck, I even feel a tinge of fear just thinking about it.

         And, of course, who could forget the dance?

In accordance with COVID-19 guidelines, this year it will be on the tennis courts. I’m glad I’m not on STUCO, because they certainly have their work cut out for them. Good luck running power all the way out there. Actually, I have something for you. See the picture above. Anyways, Fr. Dom wants to remind you all to keep a bible-length between you and your date. KP prefers it to be the Greek New Testament, saying, quote, “You gotta stay strapped with [the Greek New Testament]. Girls can tell when you don’t have it.” But that isn’t necessary. Any sort of bible is fine. When Mr. “the third Tim in the English department” Clark was asked his opinions on this matter, he spent the rest of the period talking about Bob Dylan before asking if that answered my question. No, it didn’t, Mr. Clark, but I still thoroughly enjoyed what you had to say, as always.

         The dance starts at 7:00, far past some of the freshmen’s bedtimes. Sorry guys, but this is a big boy dance. There will be girls there! I know, I know. I didn’t mean to scare you like that. Girls and Priory are like Mr. Scotty Hessel and skipping Mass or Mrs. Lane and junior school cell phones or Mr. Nickolai and the Crimson Tide or Mr. Woodcock and pronouncing “r’s” at the end of words: they just don’t go together.

Now, I’m going to pull a Tim “don’t call it frisbee” Malecek and be frank for a second: homecoming is more important this year than ever. The past year and a half has been rough for all of us. We haven’t been able to celebrate together like this in a long time. I’ve really missed it, and I know a lot of you have too. I really urge those of you who don’t plan on coming tonight or tomorrow to reconsider. You might not think school spirit is important. Trust me, I was in your shoes once. But as a senior who has watched the past six years fly by, I have realized how important it really is. I have realized that what I’m going to miss the most next year is the Priory community. One day, I guarantee that you’re going to feel exactly the same way.

         But enough of the sappy stuff. It’s homecoming! Let’s celebrate! I hope to see all of you tonight and tomorrow! I don’t know about you, but I am fully ready to enter the Tone Zone. Go Ravens!