Bigfoot Sighting?

True Story. Completely Factual 

On Monday, Aug. 30, I saw the unthinkable. You may not believe me, but just hear me out. I……SAW…….BIGFOOT! I was walking in the woods with my friends. It was a regular Monday, and we were just casually hanging out. Usually when we had all our homework done, we would go learn Latin together in the abandoned shack deep in the woods. Nothing out of the ordinary had happened that night. As we passed the old abandoned shack though, we noticed something a little off. There was something glowing in the distance. “That’s really funny Barnabus; knock it off”, Jack Parent said. Only, the light didn’t turn off. We ignored it, thinking Barnabus was messing with us. We went inside the shack, and there Barnabus was. He was a regular jokester. Only the look on his face proved he wasn’t joking. “What’s wrong?” I asked. “There’s something out there,” he said, his body shaking. “We thought it was you,” Jack said. With the intent of violently hurting and burning whatever this thing is at stake, we walked out of the Shack, ready to find it. We walked for about five minutes, as the glow started to get closer. As we approached it, we realized there were two glowing circles. In a few steps, we realized they weren’t just circles, they were eyes. Jack, Barnabus, and I ran at it, jumped on it and started punching and kicking it. But I was too strong. It pinned us down. As my eyes adjusted to the dark, I realized it was Bigfoot. He lifted his arm back, ready to end us all with one punch. All of a sudden Bigfoot let out a big scream, and rolled over. Standing over us and Bigfoot was Mr. Toscano who said, “Vale, Magne Pes.” He had saved us. He stabbed Bigfoot in the back of the heart. We went back to the shack and refueled with some Roman Gatorade. That was a crazy night. 

Below: interviews with Jack Parent and Barnabus; other recent sightings of Bigfoot.

Jack Parent

Interviewer: How scared were you on a scale of one to ten?

Jack: Zero

Interviewer: What were your intentions regarding what to do with this thing when you found it?

Jack: Violently harm it, and burn it at the stake.

Interviewer: What do you believe was this thing?

Jack: Bigfoot.

Interviewer: Are you sure it was big-?

Jack: It was Bigfoot.

Interviewer: Are you sure?

Jack:  It was Bigfoot.

Barnabus:

Interviewer: How scared were you on a scale of one to ten?

Barnabus: Eleven.

Interviewer: What were your intentions regarding what to do to this thing when you found it?

Barnabus: Violently harm it, and burn it at the stake.

Interviewer: What do you believe this thing was?

Barnabus: Bigfoot.

Interviewer: Are you sure it was big-?

Barnabus: It was Bigfoot.

Interviewer: Are you sure?

Barnabus:  it was Bigfoot.

Other sightings:

Bigfoot has been sighted recently around the area. No details were given, but it was in the area.