The Fake News Network

The Fake News Network

Peter Welz, Writer

     Intellectuals of Priory, welcome back to another edition of the FNN. Several presidential debates have taken place in our short absence, and they certainly gave us much to think about. In the debate between President Donald Trump and Democratic nominee Joe Biden, one can only wonder at the sheer intellect of these people as they continuously interrupt and insult each other in a true display of self-control and intelligence. At one point, the level of intelligence in the debate transcended our understanding when President Donald Trump exclaimed, “Don’t use the word ‘smart’ with me.” This is the level of quick-wittedness we have come to expect from the genius Republican. 

     In other news, there was an unexpected addition to the vice-presidential debate when a fly entered the ring. Spending most of its time on the prominent brow of Vice President Pence, the fly perhaps had more screen time than the moderator herself. Kamala Harris also displayed her high level of self-control by refusing to make eye contact with any living thing in the room. Her respect for Mr. Pence extended so far as to allow the unexpected fly to remain on the Vice President, and not attempt to steal his limelight. Indeed, polls have shown that when asked, 30% of U.S. citizens say that the newly named fly, Chuck Flymaster, won the debate. Little is known what happened to Chuck Flymaster after the debate, and some have postulated that he has succumbed to the unfortunately short lifespan of his race. His memory will live on for centuries.

 Forever in our hearts, Chuck Flymaster.


This concludes this week’s edition of FNN. Stay classy Priory.