Too long has the shadow of NEWZ blotted out the rays of truth from this school. Too long have we been fed stories that the coronavirus is real and among us today. We here at FNN vow to bring you the truth behind these events. Partnered with self-proclaimed medical expert Bill Gates, we will show, beyond all dispute, that COVID-19 is fake, and is merely a way for the world to subdue its citizens. Also, given time, we will free the school from the shackles of NEWZ and bring the students of this school into the light.

For our pilot article, we will be investigating the suspicious occurrences that are behind several events of the past few weeks. The first of these being the Chuck E. Cheese hostage situation. While it may seem to be just a ragtag group of kids, our source on the inside has revealed that it is really an attempt to expose the coronavirus as a fluke. How this group of so-called kids intend to do so, you will have to wait until the next article to find out. COVID-19 death cases continue to reach all time highs, according to an anonymous source. After all, how are death cases supposed to go down? One report shows that a small business tragically burned down, trapping the employees inside, where according to the coroner, they suffocated due to the coronavirus. Insider reports have uncovered that this small business was on the verge of exposing Russia as the real cause of the virus. This can mean only one thing, Russia has secretly invaded China and taken over their government, which is why COVID-19 has been rumored to have started in China. This also explains why Russia is also rumored to have a vaccine before every other country. For more on this sinister plot, see next week’s article, where we will discuss these events in more detail, as well as settle the dispute on the new Batman movie.

Disclaimer: I do not actually support these views, this is simply for comedic purposes and to provide a funny contrast to Adam Rolwes’s series.